This work is near and dear to me. If you follow me on Instagram you would have seen the reel I posted kind of describing how this work came to be. The first day I worked on it I felt light and clear. I was excited to lay down layers of paint in such an unrestricted way. A few days later I came back to the studio to finish it… but I had some news come in that disrupted my emotional state. I was upset, anxious, really shaken to my core. Instead of avoiding “work” - I buckled down and went to the studio. I refused to let this THING change the course of my day. I thought painting might lift this giant unfriendly cloud of emotions that hung over me. I was wrong. I felt frustrated and unkind to myself. I walked away that day knowing I could have potentially ruined a really beautiful piece of work.
My work is subconscious in a lot of ways. I think 12 years of painting has allowed me to trust myself to work intuitively. It is the place I feel most free. I often enter into a mediative flow. This day didn't feel like that. It felt hard, and sluggish. I learn a lot about myself every time I step into the studio to create something brand new. For this journey I am thankful, for this finished painting, I am thankful.
I didn't “ruin” a work, it just looks a lot different than what I expected, and I have to learn to be okay with that.
- Subject Matter: abstract