Feeling isolated and alone, the mind goes from 0 to 100. Anxiety sets deep into the psyche, and it feels like there is no way out. Confusion prevails and fear and anxiety transform into physical pain. The jaw clenches hard and finding air to breath becomes a challenge. I beg my mind to allow me to breath…. inhale…exhale. Torn from my loved ones and feeling miles away, I’m trying to reach them, but I’m too weak to stretch my arms out far enough to receive their caring embrace. I’m trying to find my breath and come back from this darkness-away from the in-between world I’m in. The pandemic, the isolation, the fear is just too much. The dark side of myself is pulling me into nightmarish psychological depths too dangerous to even fathom. I say to myself, I choose the light. I choose the light….
This abstract self-portrait shows a split image. Two parts of the same person pulling at different directions. This image is a metaphor for the struggle to find oneself again, in making oneself whole again. It showcases the fight for regaining a kind of normal within themselves again. The sitter is split in two but not completely apart, bound by a blurry black void. The sitter is hurting both psychologically and emotionally. He is in the midst of fighting back severe anxiety and fear. But at the same time, the portrait suggests hope. The dappled light reflecting off the walls and through the body itself comes from the sun. Its warmth and protective quality spills through the unseen window. This atmospheric symbol suggests hope and the willingness to fight for one’s sanity and life itself. There is much beauty in this photograph, as the sitter wants to survive and come out of a deep depression…to come out of the darkness into the light.