Nicole's Story Behind The Painting:

I’ve walked along the shoreline, barefoot and searching for seashells. Sometimes, I’d stop and wait for the wave to come in, quickly squat with my fingers cupped together and palms open, then clamp my hands closed once I felt something. Once the waters receded, I could open my palms and check for seashells. Then, I’d drop whatever I didn’t want to keep back into the ocean and try my best to hold onto any seashells I liked as I repeated the process.

When I’m in pain, lots of stuff can come up. Some of that stuff could be the seashells I want to keep, pieces of insight, wisdom, truth. Yet, a lot of the stuff could be trash, clumps of seaweed, tiny shards of shells. These are the fears, insecurities, ideas about myself that don’t serve me anymore, old survival strategies to protect myself from knowing the truth and getting hurt. So, my task is to simply remind myself that lots of trash comes up as I seek good things: healing, truth, trust, acceptance. And then I can just open my palms and let go of the trash.

Yet, when that big wave is here, it’s really hard to see what’s what. And sometimes, the waiting is really hard because healing is not the same thing as picking up seashells at the beach. And I keep finding ways to accept the fact that sometimes healing is just feeling the pain and it hurts that much and it’s really that scary. Sometimes, I find it really difficult to accept this fact and that’s okay too.

The tide goes in and out and all the while, I’m learning, growing, healing these wounds. Each day that passes, I get closer and every seashell I pick up along the way is precious and means something to me. That’s enough for me right now, and even when I fear it isn’t, I know it’s enough.