Because the model for this portrait prefers to remain anonymous, I will refer to her as such. When I first had the concept for this portrait, I had a long conversation with Anonymous about sharing her story. We have only met in person once, years ago, but I feel like we have a very strong bond. Every time we talked on the phone to discuss her story and collaborate on this portrait, I felt like we have traveled very similar paths. Our conversations are often a very emotional exchange for both of us.
Anonymous is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and it is very difficult to hear her story. The trauma she has endured and her long path to healing are devastating to comprehend. Her journey is still developing, and I am honored to be a part of her healing process. The portraits we are developing together will encompass a great deal of symbolism and mutual storytelling.
As part of the conceptual process for this portrait, I sent Anonymous my sketches for this portrait concept based on our previous conversation. It didn’t take long into that first conversation to realize that we’re walking a very similar path of healing and self-actualization.
I kept feeling compelled to use phoenix imagery and a quote about coming from darkness into light in the background of her portraits. I can’t begin to express how humbling it was to hear the emotion in her beautiful voice when she described how well my sketches captured her pain and struggle, balanced by hope for healing and growth.
Out of Darkness was my most difficult painting of 2022, possibly the worst ever. Now that I have had some space from it and enjoyed all the positive feedback at the opening reception for its public debut, I feel much better about it. People are drawn in and quite taken with the phoenix and curious about the shadowy figure.
I worked on this painting for well over a year, stopping for months at a time in frustration over the concept or the rendering of the phoenix. I struggled with inventing a creature that looked realistic, capturing important details, and making sure the color scheme and lighting were consistent across the figure. These struggles taught me a lot about my studio practice and priorities along the way.