English isn't my first language. It isn't your first language either. Research has shown that each of us thinks differently, drawing on a variety of 'thinking modes' to navigate our relationship to the world and particularly to other humans in it. A spoken or written language such as English is a symbol system that develops slowly over a number of years and becomes the most comfortable thinking mode for many of us most of the time. You may be someone who thinks primarily in words or primarily in images. According to Temple Grandin there are two visual thinking modes, one that uses images and one that uses patterns1. Of course, there’s music and dance and other arts that we use to communicate our inner state to the outside world, too. Apparently, each of us thinks primarily in one mode, one symbol system. Underlying each of these symbol systems are patterns that map what we've learned from all that comes in through our senses in our lifetime and that has been tested against our own experience. For most of us most of the time those patterns are running in the background, below consciousness.
All of these ways of thinking work, obviously, especially as we each can draw from the various modes as needed. In my exploration of my own being-ness I've found it sometimes possible to stand aside from my 'thinking' and observe. For instance, in meditation, if I observe a thought arising, then observe that I'm imagining sharing with someone that I noticed a thought arising, then observe that I've realized I'm imagining telling someone...I get a sense of vertigo as I pull back to find the elusive 'I' who's observing. In Jungian terms, my ego resists being dissolved into the unconscious (as it should - a strong ego incorporates wisdom from the unconscious, both personal and collective)2. And, per Ian McGilchrist's writings on the right/left brain dynamic, it's clear that the 'I' that thinks it 'knows' is at least partly a fiction that allows us to navigate our relationship with the chaotic sensory world3.
What's this got to do with painting? In my October 2023 show I used the title Turtles All The Way Down to frame my recent work as it relates to dreaming and the urge to connect to others. Infinite regression, in the anecdote I shared at the show, applies to the notion that our creation myths almost always beg the question: who created the creator? This is the same pattern manifested in my observing of my thoughts during meditation. Find the creator who creates; find the 'I' who observes, who makes the paintings.
My large edge-matched pieces don't have one focal point, they're non-linear, associative, they evince a right-brain, visual process. They may carry a narrative, but it's one that arises in the viewing and doesn't unspool in a particular order or make the objects fit particular categories as a story written in a verbal language like English usually does.
When I'm letting symbols arise in a painting and feeling their right relationship with one another I'm accessing those unconscious patterns that have become my map of the world. It's in the painting of them that they become images, objective symbols. The paintings are instructive artifacts of the dynamic patterns in my mind. I could then use my less articulate English language skills to explain what I see happening on a canvas, but my hope is always that the visual images do the connecting to others. Better yet, if the viewer simply responds to how the images and their relationships resonate with them, then we don't even need to talk about it. Though that can be very stimulating.
Even for me, looking at the paintings after the fact is an act of historical analysis. As artifacts they represent the matrix of my thoughts, feelings and intuitions, all the unconscious patterning present in me when I put color to canvas. The making of the painting is the experience of my life in that moment. When painting, sometimes the flow state manifests and the sense of time disappears. It is a liminal space, when self-consciousness diminishes and the inner state is welcomed to the outside, a point at which the ego and the unconscious negotiate their relationship. The art is a visual symbol system that is a pale representation of the inner life. Writing about it removes it one step farther. And so here we are - I want these words to soar with majesty and beauty of the poetry of patterns in my head, yet they can’t, regardless of how well they convey ideas.
I should note that the effort to learn the craft, to get to the point where the tools and skills I'm acquiring allow me to express, without struggling with the materials, is a growth experience of its own. And so each painting falls short on the rising curve of capability. They say that your best painting is your next one. For me, I hope it is also a continuing journey along the path of infinite regression toward self understanding.
For you, I hope 2024 continues or begins a journey of your own in the language of your choice.
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1. Temple Grandin, Visual Thinking, 2022
2. Carl Jung, The Relation Between the Ego and the Unconscious, 1928
3. Ian McGilchrist, The Matter With Things, 2022